Not sure which one of these people is the actual saint

I have been misled before, you know—Saint Vincent, the “independent music artist” is not actually a saint, despite what this young man (who uses the “n-word” in a transgressive way) on U-Tube.com says—and I don’t want to get into another argument with my priest about this kind of thing, because I would rather not go to jail again, if possible.

But here is my dilemma, guys: If Saint Etienne is not actually a saint, whose special saint-power is to make good music, does that make me a blasphemer every time I listen to him, because I am calling him a saint? Also, if my religion (Christianity) does not think that Saint Etienne is a saint, does this make my religion wrong/for idiots?

I think I am going to start a new religion, called “The Church of St. Etienne.” You can join if you want, unless you have swine flu. We will meet every Wednesday and Sunday at my apartment and read each other testimonials about when we listened to St. Etienne that week, and maybe drink white wine with ice cubes and laugh at each other’s jokes. Sometimes someone will bring a small plate of home-baked cookies, and we can eat them while we talk about our religion, and grow closer to each other as friends.

There is already a controversy in my church that I just made up five minutes ago: what to do about this new version of Foxbase Alpha, which is called Foxbase Beta, and is a “remix” of the original album, Foxbase Alpha, by the famous American civil rights activist and Nation of Islam leader Richard X. Let me put this in a way everyone can understand: what if your holy book, the Koran, or Qu’ran, or whatever, was “remixed”? And instead of the Surah about Mohammed flying to the dome of the rock on a donkey, or whatever happens, instead Mohammed was turned into a 110-bpm slow-burning balearic piano jam. And what if you totally liked it more than the original Koran, like maybe, all the Koran ever wanted to be was this super thick cough-syrup house with jungle sounds. Wouldn’t that be controversial, if that happened with Saint Etienne?

Well guess what: it did.

And it tore my church apart.

Saint Etienne – Only Love Can Break Your Heart (Richard X Remix)

If you’ve followed us with any regularity, you’ve probably been inundated with enough Scandanavian tropical escapist music to make you start wearing linens and a wicker hat, but here at Disco Horror we are trying to exacerbate your dependence on this music to the point that we can recruit you on a cultish mass migration to an abandoned island in the Maldives where we can start a colony dedicated to making and appreciating rad music.  While weather here in San Francisco is never really hot or humid or “tropical”, the last week had some of the best weather the city has had since I relocated from LA.  It was warm and it was sunny and it was glorious, and it’s weather like this that makes me want to put away my Suicide albums, wash off my goth make-up and dance barefoot in the park to some unfettered beach pop.  Now some of you, namely from the Eastern (and lesser) coast, might be confused at this point.  I’m not talking about soda or carbonated beverages of any sort, but rather unabashed music meant to please the ears and appeal to the masses.  The kind of music that some nerds are ashamed to listen to, but here we embrace all types of pop and cheese and so today I will share with you two of my current jamz.

Information has been stirring lately with a plethora of new material that Dan Lissvik and Rasmus Hägg have been involved with at various levels.  You alread heard a sample of the krauty Fontan album Hägg supervised, but Lissvik’s work on the new album by The Crêpes, What Else?, is much more apparent as he was supposedly more involved in the production side.  The album took a little while to work on me, but lately I have been enjoying it frequently as a starter to the day.  It plays like a derivation of the vibe Studio accomplished on ”No Comply” with more blissed out pop lyrics and guitar.  But here is by far my favorite piece of the album, the short and sweet “Write” that prefaces the gentle ringing daze of ”Ebb Tide”.  The vinyl is is still available at Piccadilly, but CD versions will most likely follow soon enough!  Truly a beautiful little piece.

The Crêpes – Write/Ebb Tide

Next comes a 12″ I was lucky enough to recently win on eBay that takes us back to the definition of balearic, complete with muted horns, guitar, and ambigious European lyrics from 1984.  Tullio de Piscopo’s classic “Stop Bajon (Primavera)” is what you might call a balearic necessity, and I jam to it in my car all the time, and people probably stare, but when you start to listen to this kind of amazing cheese you just have to be unashamed about it.  It’s as simple as that.  I won’t say much on it, but don’t pick up the LP because most of the tracks are stripped down and edit the structure of the song away.  This is the 12″ version and if you haven’t heard of it, today might be the best day you are going to have in a while, so prepare yourself to enjoy!

Tullio de Piscopo – Stop Bajon (Primavera)

Above is a famous photo of Bono meeting with Ghandi (just kidding: this is a photo I found on the internet that is probably porn for some sub-furry U2/Second Life slash community.)

I ask you a question: who is a more important person: Mahatma Ghandi, the President of India, or Bono, of the rock band the U2? A lot of people would say Bono automatically, because he is white and has several pairs of sunglasses and has written such famous albums as “Rattle & Hum” and “Discotheque,” while Ghandi has written no songs, according to Wikipedia, and probably doesn’t own any sunglasses at all. Some other people, but probably not as many, would say, Ghandi is more important, because the inspiring story of a ragamuffin Indian lawyer/ascetic beating off (not sexually) British Imperialism is like a Bad News Bears for our times, and also inspired the movie Ghandi: The Movie.

But surprise! The real answer is that you don’t have to choose between the savior of India and the most famous Irishman in the world! Because in a lot of ways, Ghandi and Bono are the same person. This is why you hear Ghandi referred to as the “Bono of India.” What do I mean? Think of it like the Christian concept of “the trinity”: Bono is the Father and the Holy Spirit, and Ghandi is the Son (Jesus). You wouldn’t choose between Jesus and God, would you? (If you did, my understanding is that you will go to Hell.) So next time someone forces you to choose between your two heroes, tell them, Max said I don’t have to.

Why do I bring up Bono? Well, it just so happens that the MP3 I’m attaching to this post is a cover of the famous “U2ne” (U-tune) “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, Yet” by the Chimes. Ari hates this cover, which is probably the right way to feel about it; I dig it, for basically two reasons: one is that it’s nice and laid-back, without the overblown piety of the original, chugging along at around 100 BPM with a loping drumbeat and movie strings; the other is that repeated saxophone figure from the very beginning, which is for some reason hitting the spot for me right now.

This, by the way, is the “Street Mix”–I hope the street has a name! (“Where the Streets Have No Name” is a U2 song).