Disco Horror

NOTE: BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, USING HIS EMAIL ADDRES “DCMANOTICE” PERSONALLY CONTACTED US TO ASK US TO TAKE DOWN THIS POST–I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY “SHITTY” IN THE BAD WAY–BUT HE TOOK IT DOWN ANYWAY. AND NOW I CAN’T FIND THE FINAL VERSION. SO YOU’LL HAVE TO JUST DEAL WITH READING THIS SHITTY FIRST DRAFT. THANKS A LOT “COPYRIGHT LAW.”

SECOND NOTE: MY BEST FRIEND KIERAN SAVED THE POST!! HERE IS THE NOW-INFAMOUS DISCO HORROR MEMORIAL BLOGSPOT DAY POST, REPRODUCED BELOW UNEDITED–SARAH CRACKNELL DONT YOU DARE FUCK WITH US.

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Well, yesterday was my favorite holiday, Memorial Day, which is The Official Start Of The Summer, as decreed by basically everyone, and also The Day When Various Media Personalities Hector Us All About All The Dead Troops, as decreed by Various Media Personalities, who, desperate to be seen as Upstanding, Troop-Loving Types, talk about people making “The Ultimate Sacrifice For Your Country” a.k.a. “Dying In Iraq/Afghanistan Due To The Muslims” basically nonstop, especially on NPR, and really, NPR, who are you fooling, you fucking commies, I just want to listen to Car Talk.

How did you guys celebrate? If I know my reading audience well, I imagine that the Americans among you spent the day slack-jawed, hunched at your Macbooks, playing/masturbating to some kind of World of Warcraft/pornography hybrid, while our two or three British fans had tea on the barbie and saluted the Queen. I personally memorialized the Troops and the September 11ths and the George Washingtons by eating a hamburger made from red meat, helping contribute to my Classic American Impotence and Heart Disease, and listening to R. Kelly. Major League Baseball celebrated the blood sacrifice of thousands of nineteen-year-olds by holding Fred Durst Day, where every ballplayer was forced to wear a red hat, presumably symbolizing the color of Valentine’s Day cards, which the troops sent to their “sweethearts.”

The real question is: what America-loving music did you listen to? Given that most people who read this blog are dance music fans, and therefore closeted gays, and therefore terrorists making suicide attacks on marriage, you probably spent the day listening to “The Internationale (Osama Remix)” and Elton John. Fear not, though—as part of Disco Horror’s service to this country, I’m going to provide you with two truly America-loving songs.

The first is “Born in the U.S.A. (Dub Mix),” by the all-time America-lover Bruce Springsteen. Springsteen wrote this song as a tribute to the fact that God had blessed him by not making him an immigrant, and as a celebration of our country’s Greatest War (Vietnam). And I know what you’re going to say! “Max, this is some kind of un-American remix! What would the founding fathers think if, for example, you remixed the constitution!” Folks: this is a “dub mix,” which is the least gay/unamerican of all mixes, so please don’t worry.

Bruce Springsteen – Born in the U.S.A. (Dub Mix)

The other track is the terrific capitalist anthem “I Buy American Records,” by the band “St. Etienne” (what could be more American than a God-fearing band who names themselves after a religious figure??). This track is all about stimulating the American economy by buying records—a terrific message for a difficult time.

St. Etienne – I Buy American Records

Cross-posted at Mind Grapes

This song also has a dope video fyi.